Investigations editorRoss Jonestakes a closer look at Clive Palmer's latest indulgence, Trumpet of Patriots.

PRESIDED OVER BYMr Malice himself,Clive Palmer,Trumpet of Patriots(T.O.P.) is the bastard child of self-serving compromise.

In an opaque deal involving a management consultant (credited with forming the unregistered political party T.O.P. and coming up with the bizarre name), a moribund but still registered political party (theFederation Party), a non-party (United Australia Party) and maybe some wheel grease.

Palmerde-registeredhis United Australia Party in September 2022.

The party said it was to save on admin costs as it lay in hiatus for the 2025 Election, but a former candidate went public toallege:

Despite having access to the best advice money can buy, Palmers attempt to re-register UAP wasknocked backby the High Court last February.

Foiled. And SenatorRalph Babetis stranded in his Victorian Senate seat.

(Source:Facebook)

If, as many, includingSydney Criminal Lawyers, suggest, Palmer needs a dog in the election race, 'because he wants to safeguard the billions of dollars in profit that come from the mining, iron, nickel and local holdings',he needed to act fast.

There was no way Palmer was going to be able to round up 1,500 bona fide members to get a party registered with the Australian Electoral Comission (AEC) in time for the 2025 Election (or perhaps anytime), but he had a mate,Nick Duffield, a Trumpist management consultant who had started the whole Trumpet of Patriots thing.

Duffield had whipped up a bit of initial enthusiasm. Not enough to form a political party but enough to convince the right-wing Christians and, importantly, AEC-registered The Australian Federation Party that a merger might not be a bad idea.

On 3 December 2024, the AEC recognised a name change from Australian Federation Party to Trumpet of Patriots.

Exactly when and how Malice and Duffield did this whole deal is opaque, but they pulled it off, the lurid yellow advertising with its preposterous claims being the evidence.

According to itswebsite:

This is where the average Trumpet of Patriots voter might become confused who to preference?

There is a plethora of choice for those who like to pick their poison.

The groundbreaking marketing meeting that kicked off Clive Palmers latest political extravaganza, Trumpettes of Patriots,launched with 25 million, resplendent,yellow vuvuzelas.

From the simple racism and xenophobia of One Nation to the Up yours! ofCraig Kellyand theLibertarians, from the anti-woke ofHEARTto theDrag Queen StorytimeofFamily First, T.O.P. voters will be swooning with choice.

The thing is, it just doesnt matter because there will be bugger-all T.O.P. voters. Friends and relatives of the many T.O.P. candidates plus a few sundry suckers if theyre lucky. T.O.P.s preferences will be minuscule and wont trouble the scorer.

None of its candidates has a chance.

Many of the current crop of candidates hope they can do a Ralph Babet, some probably fantasise about it at night. Surf Clives money to Canberra. Like winningDeal or No Deal.

Palmers old UAP got4.1 per centoverall last time around in 2021at a cost of $125 million, but Trumpet is not UAP.

For starters, there is the name. Over the last few months, its spiritual beacon has gone from hero to sub-zero, from saviour to threat. It cant be escaped, it is right there at the start of the name.

Then there is the logo. The thing holding the trumpet has got blowhard baked right in, referential to its owner, maybe. A malignantTeletubbiewas the model, frightening in a too-much-medication kind of way.

But most of all, there is ennui.

Nutjob candidates, cooker alliances and crocodile tearsnotwithstanding, Palmer's endgame isnt winning seats, it's ensuring the "drill, baby, drill" party is returned to power.

Australians have seen this all before. P.U.P., UAP, T.O.P. always the same. Massive ad spends, lurid graphics, a squillion unknown candidates, fantastical claims.

The playbook worked well the first time around.

In the first Palmer United Party (P.U.P.) iteration, back in the 2013 Election, Malice himself became Member for Fairfax, famous forsleepingin the Chamber. The party also catapultedDio Wang,Glenn LazarusandJacqui Lambieto the Senate.

Dio and Glen fell by the wayside, but Jacqui went on to a successful political future after she parted company with Clive.

Palmerderegistered P.U.P.in 2016 but then, in 2018, registered the United Australia Party.

Second time round, in 2018 as the United Australia Party, Palmer fell a bit short of P.U.P.s 2013 performance.

The party failed to win any electoral contest. Lots of money, no cigars.

Third time, in 2021, again as UAP Meh.

Again, a lot of money, ads everywhere, but this time some success with one Victorian Senator, Ralph Babet, a real estate agent from the wide development lands just out of Melbournes east, around Berwick. Ralph is a right-wing warrior who, thankfully, has had little influence on the body politic to date.

Would you buy a property fromthis man?

Senator Ralph Babet is a dangerous man. A MAGA spearhead with billionaire backing and an obvious sympathy for rapists and fraudsters.

Now, in 2025, Palmers fourth go with Trumpet of Patriots, same tired formula.

Remember UAPs 2021 advertising when Craig Kelly was going to be Australias next prime minister?

Didnt happen, Craig ended up defecting to the Libertarians, a move that will surely strangle any hopes for that party.

Spare a thought for Trumpets alleged leader and next prime minister, former Cessnock CouncillorSuellen Wrightson.

She is running inHunter, a seat held by Labour since basically forever.

Suellen is listed in the Other column on the ballot paper alongside other fringe parties of various stripes.

Happily for her, there will probably be a vacancy coming up with the Libertarians after this election.

Ross Jonesis IA's investigations editor and the author of 'Ashbygate: The Plot to Destroy Australia's Speaker'.

Related Articles

• Inside Clive Palmer's Trumpettes of Patriots Party
• Clive Palmer emulates Musk to get Dutton elected
• EDITORIAL: Clive Palmer emulates Musk to get Dutton elected
• Clive Palmer teams with Tucker Carlson for RWNJ tour
• Clive Palmers campaign will have a body count